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 English Jokes (not only for Lily) |
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Tappi 
Der Cheff
[meine Galerie]
Deutschland
Nordrhein-Westfalen
Dabei seit: 08.02.2011
Beiträge: 8.268
Userpage - Galerie: 2
Userpage - Gästebuch: 7
Guthaben: 1.024.241 Retterchen
Aktienbestand: 250 Stueck
User werben:
geworbene User: 3
Herkunft: Ostwestfalen
IRC Chatnick: Tappi
Realer Name: Stefan
Musikgeschmack: Rock, Oldies, Classic Rock und Irish Folk
Interessen: Feuerwehr, Internet Foren, Musik, Elektrotechnik und Landwirtschaft
Musik-Steckbrief
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 English Jokes (not only for Lily) |
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The Camels
The little camel asks his mother:
Mum why do we have these big humps?
Because in these hump there is some water and in the hot desert we can drink.
And mum. Why do we have this large fur?
Because the dessert at night is so cold and then we don't feel cold.
And mum. Why do we got these big hoofs.
Because the desert the sand is hot and the hoofs save us from the hot
sand.
But mum. What the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?
Door To Door
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a
woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms
that she did not want to hear their message, and slammed the door in
their faces.
To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced
back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the
door again with the same result -- the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door,
she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when
one of them said,
"Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."
Speed Trap
A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding and had the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: This car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes, sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.
The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to
handle the tense situation.
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
The driver's license was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding, too!
__________________
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20.10.2014 20:27 |
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ArteGent
Radiostation
[meine Galerie]
Dabei seit: 13.03.2011
Beiträge: 129
Guthaben: 786 Retterchen
Aktienbestand: 0 Stueck
User werben:
geworbene User: 0
IRC Chatnick: LilyG
Realer Name: Lily
Interessen: Singen, Tanzen, Malen, das Leben zu genießen jeden Tag .....
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Tappi das English Jokes sind tolle, machten sie mich zum Lachen so viel ...... hahaha 
__________________
Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.... Henry Ward Beecher
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22.10.2014 02:49 |
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Menowin
Plappermaul
[meine Galerie]
Deutschland
Dabei seit: 08.12.2013
Beiträge: 642
Userpage - Galerie: 1
Userpage - Gästebuch: 2
Guthaben: 514 Retterchen
Aktienbestand: 0 Stueck
User werben:
geworbene User: 0
Herkunft: NDS
IRC Chatnick: Menowin
Musikgeschmack: Metal,Gothic,GOA Trance
Interessen: Musik,Webdesign,Mein
Forum, Hundi und Katzi
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....................................................................
Things are going badly for Israel. The economy is in a tail spin, inflation is getting higher and immigrants are flooding in from all over. Problems, problems, problems, but what to do? So the Knesset holds a special session to come up with a solution.
After several hours of talk without progress one member stands up and says "Quiet everyone, I''ve got it, the solution to all our problems."
"What?"
"We'll declare war on the United States."
Every one is shouting at once. "You're nuts! That's crazy!"
"Hear me out!" says the minister. "We declare war. We lose. The United States does what she always does when she defeats a country. She rebuilds everything; our highways, airports, shipping ports, schools, hospitals, factories, and loans us money, and sends us food aid. Our problems would be over."
"Sure," says another minister, "that's if we lose. But what if we win?" 
__________________
He has many names. Death. Some call him the Grim Reaper. Others call it redemption. I call him friend.
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22.10.2014 04:22 |
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